I was so tired from last night's initiation that I slept through my alarm, or I was so delirious from all the fresh oxygen coursing through my bloodstream that I neglected to set the alarm last night. So I was 2 and a half hours late to work. Thank God I am salaried. There is that little thing about still being on probation for another 3 weeks, but whatever, I am an awesome worker so they will leave me alone. Okay, sorry, that was a minor distraction. Anyway, I overslept, but when I awoke I felt this pain that is quite odd. I was putting my deodorant on but quickly realized there was no way humanly possible I was going to lift my arm up far enough to be able to get the stick to my pit. Perfect, just perfect. But don't worry, I took care of it. Flash forward to the next 10 hours of my day, which involved periodic breath-stealing contractions of my upper body when it lashed out at me when I moved the wrong way. Um, who knew there were so many muscles in the body??
So I had a nice dinner involving a lot of stuff that comes out of the ground. At what point will we realize that the food we put in our mouths to be "healthy" spent the first several months of its life wallowing in dirt and cow dung labeled "fertilizer". Thats just awesome. And last time I checked, salad CANNOT be deep fried, so I don't know why it hasn't faded away as a food fad like crystal pepsi or those hotdogs the cheese infused in the center.
We managed to make it to the gym at about 9pm I got on the Elliptical machine. 25 minutes later it was as if I had been transported 2.6 miles. AMAZING! It was quickened only by my frustration at having to stare at Sean Hannity's face the entire time. Why is it that all gyms i have ever been to insist on only showing Fixed News? I want to see some of my Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow to get my heart rocking.
Then I found my self face down with my fat butt in the air trying to heave my legs backwards towards my thigh. I really think that Nautilus and the other equipment makers sit around and think about how to make the people utilizing their machines look like the biggest idiots ever. OH! and whose bright idea was it to lay flat on your back at a slight incline and try and squat like 200 pounds repeatedly? He should really be shot.
So here I sit, on the couch, thinking about how in the world my fat ass is going to be walking around a prison tomorrow without being in pain. And I have a lot of walking to do so....yeah.
Tomorrow will be another fun filled day. 25 minutes on the Elliptical and back, chest and stomach. Here's to hoping I don't vomit everywhere.
Dr. Travis
I agree that the gym in general just makes fat people look like whales. A word of advice: DO NOT go to a personal trainer! U will be made to look exponentially more ridiculous with each exercise as u lunge around the gym of spectators and roll your flabby ass around on a big ball. U will also lose function in both legs and experience excruciating pain in your thighs for 3 days after.
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