When Did I Get This Old?

Welcome back, fellow travelers.  It has been awhile, yes, I know.  Let the flogging commence.  I have good reason...really....I promise.  So last week we were rockin along and everything was nice and well and good.  I blogged on Thursday and then went to work like a good little peon on Friday.  It was about 2:30pm when Mr. Chad called to inform me we were going to be going to Las Vegas.  I mean, naturally I said yes. Why wouldn't I? Who doesn't love Vegas.  Herein lies the problem: We drove to Vegas on Friday night, only we didn't go to Vegas. I was hoodwinked, bamboozled, tricked! We stopped in Primm, which for those of you who do not know how to work google maps, Primm is just across the state line from California - a solid 40 miles from Vegas.  I still had a blast. Actually it was friggin awesome.  But that meant that I didn't run on Friday. Then if you go that far, you can't just stay for a night, so that meant Saturday was shot too.  So I figured, we will most definitely get back in time on Sunday for a good, healthy run on Sunday.  Boy, I am learning that I really don't know how to make it happen. We decided to beat traffic and headed back to Bako at about 3:30am on Saturday night. I drove, because I am clearly a fool.  So we got back at about 7am. I was too pooped to peep - yes, I said that get over it. I slept until about 3:30pm and my world was so screwed up. It was probably the stupidest thing I could have done. I woke up completely lethargic and unable to get straight. So once again I was headed down the slippery slope of the rest of the New Year's Resolution people who stop going to the gym at precisely the same time.  But I thought, Monday brings a new week. Yeah, it does, but this is where the profound epiphany hit me so hard in the face I almost swallowed my own tongue.  I am old. So So So old. That weekend of staying up almost all night and then all night ruined my internal clock. Monday night there was no way I was going to make it anywhere. I couldn't even make it through a full day of work (thank God it was my fractional, hourly day and I can do whatever I want). Took some relaxer meds and slept like a little baby - oh if I only had the energy of a small child. Tuesday wasn't going to happen either, as I was recovering from Monday's relaxer fiasco.  Last night was devoted to friends and it worked like a charm.  But alas, it was time tonight to get up off my ever increasingly large ass and work out....

Let me tell you one thing off the bat. I HATE when people get too close to me. I have a rather large personal bubble and the quickest way to alienate, offend, and generally piss me off, is to enter my bubble. Prime example: the bathroom.  Don't EVER use the urinal next to me. Its reprehensive and a belligerent slap in my face.  The same can be said of the gym.  When there are a grip of treadmills in the gym, most of which are not currently being used and I have deliberately chosen the one closest to a wall - clearly in an attempt to avoid as much invasion of aforementioned personal space - do not grow a big pair of steel balls and hop on the treadmill right next to me.  And if, for some reason, like the end of the world is upon us, you have to get on that treadmill, do not insult me by attempting to be "friends" when I am trying to focus on not keeling over and dying on the treadmill.  We are not friends, and we should not speak.  You may wonder if someone is using the machine, because there is a set of keys in the bottle holder, but unless I stop what I am doing and bitch slap you upside your head and tell you to leave because its in use, its safe to assume that its not in use, to my awareness.  I am not one to go out of my way to "save" a machine for a total stranger, thats not my thing. Its not how I roll. It all goes back to that personal space thing. I am very content with having everyone else assume that machine is taken. So back it up off of me! And if you have survived the initial gauntlet - which apparently happened tonight - do not feel like we are intimate enough to share our progress with one another. Eyes forward! Its none of your beeswax, Ramona - and yes, I said that too. 

Apparently, thats the cranky old man coming out in me, but I need what I need and I want what I want, and quite frankly, if someone is going to have their heels in my neck to get on the treadmill, it needs to be the perfect environment.  Yeah, I am sure some of you will tell me to suck it up, to go with the flow, blah, blah, buy your own treadmill at home, blah, blah.  NO! Ain't gonna happen. Those treadmills they attmept to trick you into wasting your money on down at Sports Authority are not of the same caliber as those at your local gym. So I will not lower my standards. But thanks for asking.

I did not weigh in this week, because lets be honest, I was in Vegas, where free adult beverages flow like water and there isn't a healthy piece of food anywhere. That was doing nothing good for the scale. So I will give it a break, and dust it off next week for y'all.  For those of you interested in following my Nike+ stuff, here it is: http://go.nike.com/8fkfsko

Off to scratch myself and take my nighttime pills...

Dr. Travis 

Okay And Now The Back Of The Legs

Well I decided to really push it today. Wow, somehow that sounded like I was a meathead athlete or something. That really wasn't my intention. Let me start over. I decided to work to a clinically significantly higher rate/pace/distance than I did yesterday. That better? Now I sound like the doctor I am playing on TV. Yesterday I ran for about .35 miles at a speed of 7.0 mph. Yes I know it doesn't sound like much, but you try getting your ass on that treadmill and run that long at that fast of a pace. Not funny, not amusing, and certainly not easy. So I decided, in my delusional state of mind that if it was really hard yesterday, why couldn't I just make it a little further today? Yeah, not smart. Well, I am sure its smart in that "its-healthy-and-you-will-thank-yourself-someday" sort of way, but in the heat of the moment, when I am gasping for air and praying that the gods would smite the gym down, I decided it wasn't such a good idea.  But I guess I need it.  *cue the bells tinkling and the cheezy fade out/in screen*

It was a dark and stormy It had been a long couple of weeks and the world of workout for Dr. Travis was beginning to come crashing down around him.  He had realized that it had been several weeks and he was reaching a dark and stormy place in his workout routine.  He was progressing at a speed of next to nothing when it came to increasing his distance.  Plans and goals of reaching milestones were soon becoming distant relics of workouts gone by. It was becoming perilous.  Each night on the treadmill thoughts were overtaking his mind that he would never make it to a point of even considering a marathon as an option. Each and every night the 2 miles in 30 minute barrier just could not be breached. He moved from trying to run an increasing time to trying to run an increasing distance. This was going well until he decided to reward himself with a day off and he would have to start all over at square one the very next day.  He dreamed of having a trainer a la Bob and Jillian on Biggest Loser. But alas, he was relegated to the world of Body Exchange in Bakersfield, where the closest thing to a motivator is the fat chicks chillin on the stationary bikes (you know, the ones with armrests).  And of course the ever constant motivators such as:

this:

or the ever feared:

*Dr. Travis wakes up in a cold sweat, shivering and decides he must scrub the sin off his skin*

So without any other motivators, I decided I just needed to go to a happy place and run.  Tonight, it was a milestone. I hit .65 miles without stopping to breath.  The lungs burned, the eyes burned as the sweat dripped down my brow, and amazingly, the shins stopped hurting.  Yes, this phenomenon was quickly overshadowed by the movement of the pain to the back of my legs. The calves were screaming. It was as if I was trying to sell them to a veal company.  But I worked through the pain. I alternated between walking (never less than 4 mph) and running (at quite the clip of 6.5-6.9 mph) for 30 minutes, which was all I could put in because we were running a little late tonight getting to the gym.

I would like to take a break tomorrow night, but sadly, I can't. I am already significantly behind on all of my goals for my nike+ so I cannot miss a beat. I am trying to play catch up. I am 2800 calories behind, 26 miles behind, and .99 runs behind.  So tomorrow night I will be back on the treadmill, giving the treadmill some fine sweat lubrication and wishing that I could be in some exotic location with 6-pack abs. Someday, Someday.

Here's to a successful and productive weigh in tomorrow.  Those damn Olympics are cramping my style with not being able to watch Biggest Loser.  Somehow, already in-shape athletes competing with the best in the world is not as inspiring as a bunch of fatso's running like they never have before.  Maybe in a couple weeks.  Until I need some more inspiration...

Dr. Travis

No Pain No Gain - Here is my fist!

It hurts. Not gonna lie. I am not sure if I can accurately pinpoint the direct place the pain is located other than to say its in my body. More specifically, my lower body. It hurts from my hips to my toes. Literally, the toes hurt. Why?! There are no muscles in there! And based on my wise logic, they shouldn't hurt. But they do.

So here's the story. I am getting shin splints like a crazy mother. Every time I run they hurt after about 10 minutes. I have tried a lot of different things. I have stretched, changed shoes, walked longer and it all didn't work...until tonight. I decided that I was sick and tired of the effing splints ruining my life. I tried something completely bizarre and I don't know why I did, but I am glad for it. I upped my speed. I actually got it up to about 8 mph for awhile. And amazingly, it didn't hurt one bit. Who woulda thought? So lets see how long I can do that because it actually made my legs feel fantastic. Well, "fantastic" is a massive overstatement. It basically felt better because my shins weren't on fire for a bit.

This week has been a little frustrating. I got the really cool little nike plus holder for the non-nike plus shoes and was all set to try it...but it didn't work. At all. And I was at the gym so there was nothing I could do about it. It screwed up my online goals and everything! dirty bastards! Let me tell you, I was calling that little contraption all kinds of bitches as I was running. But despite the frustration, I got back on the wagon. I didn't work out on Wednesday though, cuz, well I was tired. Do you know how hard it is to do all this working out AND work "10" hours a day? Yeah, its rough. But I am going to stage a comeback. I am hoping for 4 more work outs before my next weigh in on Wednesday.

Speaking of weigh ins...I had one this week. How could I have forgotten. I am sure you are all pissed off at having to wait, and I am sorry. But drum roll............249.5. That means I lost 6 pounds from last week, because as you will recall the weeping and gnashing of teeth that befell me last week as I posted a huge gain for some unknown reason - and if one more person tells me that muscle weighs more than fat I am going to punch you in the neck. So apparently this past week wasn't so bad, even though it was my birthday. I guess I am doing something right. Hopefully I can do the same thing this week. I am thinking it won't be too bad since I had some work done on my teeth and they are super sore and I can eat neither fast or much, so perhaps the lesser the intake will equal lesser the weight of my fat ass on Wednesday morning.

I think the most frustrating thing about all of this is that I don't SEE a change. I am not noticing that pants are fitting significantly looser or that shirts aren't so tight anymore. So I would like to know where this weight is coming from. Probably those damn sore toes. But for now, I am done bitching and ready for bed.

Dr. Travis

Its been awhile...the shame!

Well, as you are all sure to have noticed, it has been a bit since I have posted. Lets start by saying it was the shame of it all that kept me from posting. I weighed myself, as usual, on Wednesday morning, and I was convinced more than ever that the scale is either broken or severely cursed. I weighed in at a whopping 255. Now, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, but honestly, I haven't been weight training lately. It has been strickly running and I am sweating like crazy. I think there is something wrong with my body. Clearly, it couldn't be my eating habits, which are slowly changing, but probably not quickly enough. I wonder if some rubber tubing and a household vaccuum cleaner could act like a professional liposuction machine...

This week was a little rough for me on the workout front. I was pretty tired, so I didn't go nearly as many times as I needed to. I am sure the gym was pretty lonely without me. But I guess I will be back this week. On top of the lack of motivation, it was also my birthday (yes, I am getting older, something that I am refusing to really accept). So this weekend was frought with massive amounts of food and an inordinate amount of sleep. I blame Chad, mostly, for the food issue. I woke up Saturday to a nice homemade breakfast - 4 waffles, about a pound of bacon, a half a bag of tater tots (hashbrowns) and like three eggs with cheese. The pathetic looks of "I slaved in the kitchen for you" manipulated me into gorging on the food. Then there was the Teppanyaki table we went to for dinner. There were a lot of veggies, so I would like to think it wasn't so bad at all.

But on a much happier note! I got the most awesomest thing ever for running. Chad got me the Nike+ for my birthday. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this awesome contraption, let me attempt to explain: Its a little sensor that goes inside the sole of your Nike+ shoe and it acts like a supersonic pedometer when sync-ed with your ipod and then downloaded onto the nike website. It keeps track of times of runs, paces, distances, and you can set goals and work with a virtual trainer to show you what you need to do for something like a marathon (28 week schedule that it holds you accountable to). I have used it three times now and Lance Armstrong even told me tonight that I had just completed my longest workout to date. And, when you get tired, you can play your "power song" to push you a little farther. Its honestly the coolest thing ever. Now, my new shoes I got last week are not Nikes, so I had to buy a little adaptor to connect it to my shoelaces, but I am looking forward to that as well.

One can only hope that this little piece of genius will continue to get me to work off this fat ass of mine. But until then, my friend Dr. Nicholas, who we refer to as simply Nicholas bought me some body glide - which is basically just a bunch of lube in the form of deodorant that you rub on your cellulite to provide a non-chafing surface between the thighs. AND! even cooler, my wonderful and adoring friends bought me a bunch of iTunes gift cards so I can get a whole boatload of new music, because I was about over the emo crap I had. It was definitely not conducive to keeping a good running pace. So welcome Lady GaGa, Ke$ha and Scissor Sisters to my iPod/iPhone, please make yourself comfortable and be read for some hard workouts in the future.

Lets hope this week is significantly more motivational than last and that I can post some HUGE numbers on Wednesday, which I hope I can feel comfortable sharing with all of you!

Until then, peace!

Dr. Travis